Public Note
Latest text of Note JFAcademia2
Saved May 8, 2013
 
3    What has to be done is people should investigate
4     the educational system of The Venus Project, what it offers.
5    It must then look into the environmental aspects of The Venus Project,
 
    ~ CHANGED: 'It' to 'them' (the people):  'They must then look into the environmental aspects of the Venus Project,'
 
9    If they find shortcomings in it, ~
 
     CHANGED TO: If you find shortcomings in it, (the next two phrases refer to 'you' not 'they')
 
10    (If you find shortcomings in it,) say present your recommendations, (but don't say "I don't like that system.")
 
    ~ CHANGED TO:  'present your recommendations' (removed say) - 'say present your recommendations' sounds like it might be a quotation but is not
 
26    of watching older people on the beach. They're always a lifeguard.
 
     ~ CHANGED: older to over     'of watching over people on the beach. They're always a lifeguard.'
 
36    I've never heard of lifeguard associations
37    making recommendations except binoculars for the lifeguard to look around.(74 characters)
 
    ~ DID NOT CHANGE, BUT if 'making recommendations' were added to 36, I think it would make for a better flow :
                                            'I've never heard of lifeguard associations making recommendations (65 characters)
                                            except binoculars for the lifeguard to look around' (51 ch)
 
 
 
43    If he's electronic, into electronics,  (    ~ CHANGED TO:   If he's into electronics (Jacque corrects himself) - 25 characters
44    he would pick up distress in the water, you know, whatever it is.  (REMOVED 'you know') - 55 characters
 
    ~ DID NOT CHANGE, BUT:  Combining 43 & 44 would flow better? but would b 81 ch.
        If he's into electronics, he would pick up distress in the water, whatever it is.
        
 
 
 
119  enough to influence them because they don't come there as an American,
       
        ~ CHANGED:    'they' to 'I'   Jacque says    'enough to influence them because I don't come there as an American,
 
 
 
 
149   The guys in the old days that believed the earth was round must have had a very
150   rough time with academia.
 
            ~  DID NOT CHANGE (didn't want to ruin the timestamp), but I think the strings should be
             'The guys in the old days that believed the earth was round (58 ch as opposed to 79)
              must have had a very rough time in academia (46 ch instead of 25)
              ?